


Love, Richie Trashmouth Tozier

by Notreddieforthis



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King, Love Simon (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Pennywise (IT), Ben Hanscom & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Bill Denbrough & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Bisexual Bill Denbrough, Bisexual Mike Hanlon, Bisexual Stanley Uris, Everyone Is Alive, F/M, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, Inspired by Love Simon, M/M, Mike Hanlon & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Minor Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Minor Bill Denbrough/Audra Phillips, Minor Bill Denbrough/Beverly Marsh, Minor Character(s), Modern Losers Club (IT), Post-IT (2017), Soulmates, Teenage Losers Club (IT)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2021-01-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:22:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27816769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notreddieforthis/pseuds/Notreddieforthis
Summary: Life is kind of normal for Richie Tozier and the rest of the Losers Club until Richie Tozier is blackmailed. He meets someone he gradually falls in love with. With some minor love triangles, fall-outs, heartbreaks and secret identities being identified, will Richie Tozier discover who is behind the emails? (Sorry I suck at writing summaries).
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Mike Hanlon, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 6
Kudos: 6





	1. The Blackmail Of Richie Tozier

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Notreddieforthis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Notreddieforthis/gifts).



> Eddie Kaspbrak as Bram Greenfeld, Richie Tozier as Simon Spier, Mike Hanlon as Garrett, Bill Denbrough as Abby Suso, Stanley Uris as Martin Addison, Beverly Marsh as Leah Burke and Ben Hanscom as Nick Eisner. Richie is an only child in this AU, but Richie's parents are mentioned. Minor Connor Bowers and Richie Tozier as well, Connor is Cal. Mentions of minor It Chapter Two characters, minor It (2017) characters, including the ones that were killed by Pennywise. Mentions of the Bowers Gang and Greta Bowie/Keene. No Myra Kaspbrak. Mainly a Reddie AU, a modern teenage Losers Club fanfiction where Georgie Denbrough is alive and Pennywise does not exist..yet. Bill Denbrough, Beverly Marsh, Richie Tozier and Ben Hanscom are all 17. Mike Hanlon, Stanley Uris and Eddie Kaspbrak are 16. Based on the book, not the movie. Changed the majority of the events and wording unless they were important to keep in so this is not copyright. The Losers Club and all IT storyline rights go to Stephen King and Andy Muscheitti, all Love Simon characters and storyline rights go to the movie creaters and the original author. Fanfiction rights go to me. If you are reading this, welcome to the Losers Club! Enjoy! P.S the original book has the first emails which I could do but in my own version and the book has a sequel all about Leah, who is Beverly in this AU, so if you want to see that then let me know and I will write it.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stanley Uris takes screenshots of Richie Tozier's secret emails and threatens to send them to everyone at their school. In order to stop him, Richie Tozier has to involve one of his best friends.

It's a weird conversation with Stan. I almost don't notice how he's blackmailing me. We're sitting in metal folding chairs, and Stanley Uris says, "I read your email." "What?" I look up. "Earlier. In the library. Not on purpose, obviously." "You read my email?" "Well, I used the computer right after you," he says, "and when I typed in the email server, it pulled up your email account. You should have probably logged out." I stare at him, astounded. He is swinging his legs slightly. "So, what is the point of the pretend name?" He asks. Well. I'd say the point of the pretend name was to keep people like Stanley Uris from knowing about my secret identity. So, I guess that worked out brilliantly. I guess he must have seen me at the computer. And I guess that I'm an idiot. He smiles. "Anyway, I thought you might want to know that my friend is gay." "Um. Not really." He looks at me. "What are you trying to say?" I ask. "Nothing. Look, Tozier, I really do not have a problem with you being gay. It's not that big of a deal." Except, it sort of is, or it possibly is a huge deal depending on whether Stanley can keep his mouth shut about it. "This is awkward." Stan says. I don't even know how to reply, for once. "Anyway," he says, "it's obvious that you don't want anyone to know." I mean. I guess I don't. Except coming out doesn't really scare me. At least, I don't think it scares me. It's a whole lot of awkwardness, and I'm not going to pretend that I'm looking forward to it. But it won't be the end of the world. Not for me. The problem is, I don't know what it would mean for him. If Stan told anyone. The thing about my 'pen pal' is that he's kind of a private person. The kind of person who wouldn't forget to log out of his email. The kind of person who would probably never forgive me for being so careless. So, I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't know what it would mean for him and me. But I seriously can't believe I'm even having this conversation with Stanley Uris. Of all the people in the entire universe who could have logged into their emails after me. You must understand that I never would have used the library computers in the first place, except the signal is terrible here. And it was one of those days where I couldn't wait until I was at home. I couldn't even wait to check it on my phone in the parking lot. Because I had written to him from my secret account this morning. And it was sort of an important email as well. I just wanted to see if he had written back to me. "I think that people wouldn't care about it," Stan says. "You should be who you want to be." I don't even know where to begin with that. Some strict kid who barely even likes me, advising me on how to come out. I kind of have to roll my eyes at that. "Okay, well, whatever. I won't show anyone the emails anyway," he says. For a minute, I'm relieved. But then it hits me. "Show anyone?" I ask. He blushes and fidgets in his seat. Something about his expression is off. "Did you---did you screenshot them or something?" "Well," he says, "I wanted to talk to you about that." "Hold on-you took a fucking screenshot?" He purses his lips together and stares over my shoulder. "Anyway," he says, " I know that you are friends with Bill Denbrough, so I wanted to ask you-" "Seriously? Or maybe we could talk about why you took a screenshot of my private emails instead." He pauses. "I mean, I guess I'm wondering if you want to help me talk to Bill." I almost laugh. "So, what-you want me to be your wingman?" "Well, yes," he says. "And why the fuck should I do that?" He looks at me, and it suddenly clicks. This whole Bill situation. This is what he wants from me. This, in exchange for not exposing my private fucking emails. And his emails. Jesus Christ. I mean, I guess I figured Stan was completely harmless. A little bit of a know-it-all, to be honest, but it's not like that's a bad thing. And we've been friends since kindergarten. Except 'friends' is a bit of a stretch now. "You're actually going to force me to do this," I say. "Force you? Rich, it's not like that." "Well, what's it like then?" "It's not like anything. I mean, I guess I like him. I was just thinking you would want to help me out. Invite me to events when he's there or something like that. I don't know." "And what if I don't? You'll invade my privacy? Show everyone?" Jesus. I love the Losers Club and all but that wouldn't be alright. The entire school would known within a day. For once, I'm silent. "I just think this is a situation where we have to help each other out here," Stan finally says. "So, just think about it." He dismounts his chair. "Oh yeah. I mean, this is so goddamn awesome," I say. He looks at me. And there's this silence. "I don't know what the hell you even want me to say," I add finally. "Well, whatever." He shrugs. And I don't think I've ever been so ready for someone to leave. But as he turns to leave, he looks at me. "Just curious," he says, "who is he?" "No one. He lives in New York." If Stan thinks I'm selling him out, he's fucking insane. He doesn't live in New York. He lives in Derry, Maine, and he goes to our school. Obviously, 'he' isn't his real name. He's someone. Maybe even someone I already know. But I just don't know who, and I'm not sure I want to know.

And I'm seriously not in the mood to deal with my family. I probably have about an hour until it's dinnertime, which means an hour of trying to spin my school day into some classic Richie Tozier jokes. Us Toziers are like that. But, obviously, I can't tell them about my friend blackmailing me. I have to avoid it. Talking to my parents about it is just as risky. It's funny, though. I used to talk to them about absolutely anything but not about this. It seems like I can't get out the door fast enough nowadays. Today especially. I stop so I can click the leash onto Barry's collar and get him out the door. I'm trying to lose myself in Queen on my music playlist. But I can't stop thinking about him and Stanley Uris and the awfulness of today in general. So Stan fancies Bill, just like every other person who is actually nice to him. And really, now all he wants is for me to play matchmaker when I hang out with them. It doesn't seem like it's a huge deal. Except for the fact that he's blackmailing me. And that also means that he's blackmailing him. That's the part that makes me want to punch something. But I guess the music helps. Walking to Ben's helps. Barry and I cut around to Ben's backyard to head towards the basement. There's a stereo facing the door, on which (of course) New Kids On The Block are playing. Ben and Beverly have taken over a pair of office chairs. They look like they haven't moved at all this afternoon. Ben pauses his music when I walk in. That's something about Ben. He won't stop a conversation for you, but he'll pause his favourite band. "Barry!" says Beverly. Within seconds, he sits awkwardly in her lap, with his tongue out and tail wagging. He's so fucking shameless around Bev. "No, it's totally cool. Just say hey to the dog. Pretend I'm not here." "Aww, do you need me to scratch your ears, too?" I smile. This is good: something is normal for once. "How many times have you listened to the same songs today?" I ask. "Too many times." He adjusts his stereo. "Nice." Seriously, no offence but there is no part of me that cares about Ben's obsession for weird boy bands. But I think I need this. I need Ben's weird music taste and the familiarity of Ben and Bev. Our friendship. The typical pining that is Bev and Ben. I think I'm getting that Ben-and-Beverly sixth-grade field trip feeling. I really don't know how to explain it. But when it's just the three of us, we have these perfect, stupid moments. Stanley Uris doesn't even exist in this kind of moment. Secrets don't exist. Beverly rips up a straw wrapper, and they're holding giant cups of slushies from the arcade. I actually haven't been to the arcade for a while. Ever since that run in with Henry Bowers, I've been avoiding that place like the plague because I guess it started to feel weird going there. Even if Street Fighter is the best game in the entire universe. Not that I am going to bring any of that up with Ben and Beverly. I don't exactly talk about guy stuff with anyone. Except him. Ben takes a sip of his slush and yawns, and Beverly immediately tries to throw the wad of paper straw wrapper into his mouth. But Ben clamps his mouth shut. She shrugs. "Just keep on yawning, sleepyhead." "Why are you so tired?" "Because I don't sleep. Not tonight. Not any night." Ben jokes. "If by 'no sleep,' you mean 'staying up to do history homework." "WHATEVER, BEV." He leans back, yawning again. This time, the paper wad narrowly misses his mouth. He flicks it toward Beverly. "So, I keep having some weird dreams," he adds. I raise my eyebrows. "Ew, yikes. Too much information." "Um. Not that sort of dream." Bev's whole face goes bright red. "No, just," Ben says, "like actual proper weird dreams. Like I dreamed that you were putting your contacts in, but you couldn't figure out which lens went in which eye." "Okay, so then what?" Bev's face is buried in the fur on the back of Barry's neck, and her voice is muffled. "Nothing. I woke up, and that was it. Everything was fine." "That's the most boring dream ever," Beverly says. And then, a moment later, "isn't that why they label them?" "This is why I wear glasses instead of touching my eyeballs." I sit cross-legged on Ben's carpet. Barry slides out of Beverly's lap to wander toward me. "And because your glasses make you look like an anime character, right, Richie?" One time. I joked about it one time. "Well, I think my dream is trying to tell me something." Ben can be pretty single-minded when he's feeling intellectual. "Obviously, the theme is vision, right? There might be something I'm not seeing? What am I missing?" "Good music taste?" I joke. Ben leans backwards in his chair and takes another sip from his drink. "So what if my music is 'weird?' Don't we all think that about each other in some way?" Bev and I look at each other. it doesn't matter that he's quite possibly offended by my joke, because me and Beverly always get a laugh out of his reaction even though she likes them too. Of course, she's the one who is in love with Ben, I'm pretty sure he's straight anyway. And, I don't think I could love anyone else apart from HIM. But Beverly has fallen for Ben. And it's caused all kinds of problems, especially since she was all heart eyes over Bill in the third grade. At first, I didn't understand why Ben hated Bill over it, and asking about it made me even more confused. "Oh, of course she likes him. I mean, he's good with words and all that cheesy shit. And everyone thinks he's cute now. Doesn't that make him so amazing?" is what Ben said to me. You have to understand that Ben isn't afraid to speak up like that. But eventually I noticed Ben switching seats with Eddie Kaspbrak at lunch- random but that's us, just so that he could sit closer to Beverly. And they make eyes. The famous Ben Hanscom romantic, lovesick heart eyes. We'd been down that sickly sweet road before with Sandy at the end of freshmen year. Though, I have to admit there's something about Ben's nervous intensity when he likes someone. When Bill sees that look on Ben's face, he just immediately shuts down. Which means there's actually one good reason for being Stanley Uris's matchmaker bitch. If Stan and Bill get together, then they'd stop fighting over the same person. Then Ben gets to freaking chill out, and Benverly can happen. So it's not just about me and my secrets. It's hardly about me at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those of you that catch the reference to one of Bill Hader's shows, you can have a cookie from me. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter, I actually scraped a lot of what I actually wrote for this because it was too similar to the book and I didn't want it to seem like copyright, which it technically isn't anyway, because I'm adding different characters, storylines and some of what I've wrote doesn't actually happen in the book. But yes, I will write the first emails and the sequel which will be Bev's story basically but only if you are interested in it. I hope you enjoyed it, and don't worry, Stan gets better and I'm not making him blackmail Richie because I don't like Stan, because the Losers Club are my babies and I love them all, I did it because TEA and because it's accurate to Stan and Richie's relationship in the book and the movie. 
> 
> There's going to be 35 chapters in this fanfiction, 36 counting the introduction and I will turn it into a sequel if you want it, so if you would like for me to do the sequel and the first few emails, or a fanfiction for any other fandom (I will take requests and think about them, and I will write them, and credit you for it a well). Also, I will try to post a chapter every day. Apart from that, thank you if you are reading this, let me know if you are enjoying this so far, and if not then feel free to give me some feedback in the comments, and feel free to send me any sort of comment you'd like and I will try to read and answer them all. Have a good day/afternoon/evening!


	2. When you knew

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Richie communicates with a mysterious stranger via email and they discuss something very personal..

From: futurecomedian@mail.com  
To: EFK113@mail.com  
Date: September 23rd at 12:06 AM  
Subject: RE: When you knew

That's quite a story, my friend. I mean, school is like this endless horror movie. Well, maybe not endless, because it will end, but it really ruins your self-esteem. Unless you already didn't have any. Puberty is merciless. I don't even know when I figured it out. I guess it was a bunch of little things. Like this one weird dream I had once. Or how I was practically OBSESSED with Troye Sivan last year, and then I realised it was more than it seemed. And then in like eighth grade, I had this one girlfriend. It was one of those relationships where you "date" but don't actually ever go on a proper date. And you don't really spend any time together either. I think we held hands. So, we went to the school dance as a couple, but my friends and I spent the entire night drinking juice and pretending to get drunk from it behind the bleachers. And at one point, her best friend comes up to me and tells me that my girlfriend was literally waiting for me. I was supposed to go and find her at that point, and I guess we were also supposed to make out or something as well, what a year that was. So, here's my proudest moment: I ran and hid in the bathroom like a big wimp. I stayed there the entire evening. And we never spoke ever again. Also I'm pretty sure it was Valentine's day. Because I'm that charming. So, if I'm being completely honest with myself, I definitely knew at that exact point. Except, somehow, I've been in two other relationships since then. This is officially the longest email I've ever written, I'm not even joking for once. I'm not kidding. You may actually be the only person who gets more than an entire sentence from me. Anyway, I'm ending the conversation here. Not gonna lie, it's been such a really weird day. -Your random pen pal.

From: EFK113@mail.com  
To: futurecomedian@mail.com  
Date: October 6th at 8:46 PM  
Subject: RE: When you knew  
I'm the only person? I suppose that's kind of awesome. I'm actually honoured. It's funny, because I don't really email anyone either. And I can never talk about this stuff with anyone. Just you. For what it's worth, I think it's depressing that your actual proudest moment was back in eighth grade in middle school. You can't even begin to imagine how much I actually HATED middle school. Remember the way people would just look at you blankly and say, "um, okay," after you finished talking? Everyone really just had to make it clear that, whatever you were thinking or feeling, you were completely alone. The worst part is that I did the same thing to other people. It makes me nauseated just remembering that. So, what I'm trying to say is that you should give yourself a break. We were all so awful back then. So I guess this is an obvious question, but I'll ask it anyway; if you knew you were gay, how did you end up having girlfriends? Sorry to hear that you had a weird day. -EFK.

From: futurecomedian@mail.com  
To: EFK113@mail.com  
Date: October 7th at 11:15 PM  
Subject: RE: When you knew  
Yup, the dreaded "um, okay then." And yes, I did say it as well. We definitely all sucked in middle school. I guess the girlfriend thing is a little hard to explain. Everything just happened. The eighth-grade relationship was a total mess, so I guess that was different. As for the other two: basically, they were both friends with each other, and then I found out they liked me, and then we just started dating. And then we broke up, and both of them dumped me, and it was painless. I'm still kind of friends with the girl I dated freshmen year. Honestly, though? I think the real reason I had girlfriends in the first place was because then I didn't 100% believe I was actually gay. Or maybe I didn't think it was permanent. I know you're probably thinking: "um, okay then." -Your random pen pal.

From: EFK113@mail.com  
To: futurecomedian@mail.com  
Date: October 8th at 8:00 AM  
Subject: The obligatory...  
Um, okay thennnnnnnnn. -EFK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although this is the first email we see between the characters in the original book and this fanfiction, it is not the first email between them as I mentioned. If you do want me to write a separate book (or on this) the actual first emails between them and/or the sequel then I will.


	3. Do I look like a matchmaker to you?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the blackmail. The matchmaking begins but obviously, Richie isn't looking forward to it. He starts avoiding Stanley so that he doesn't have to play matchmaker, but it doesn't exactly work out.

The shittiest thing about the Stanley situation is that I can't bring it up with HIM. I'm not used to keeping secrets from him. I mean, there is a lot of things that we don't tell each other. We discuss all the big things, but we avoid the identifying details- the names of any of our friends and anything too specific about school. All the stuff that I used to think defined me. But those things aren't exactly secrets. If he were a real junior at Derry Elementary with a locker and a GPA and thousands of social media accounts, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't tell him anything. I mean, he is a real junior at Derry Elementary. I know that. But in a way, he lives as a person inside my emails. It's hard to explain. I was the one who found him. Scrolling through Tumblr, of all places on the internet. It was in around August, the night before the school year started. That's where I found him. Something just made me want to speak to him. And not because we're both gay. But there was something so familiar about him, like I already knew him or something. It was like something wanted us to find each other. I mean, I just had to know him. Eventually I worked up the courage to pull up his email account. That's when I decided to make my secret email account. I spent the next week wondering if he would ever even contact me. And then he did. Later, he told me that my email made him extremely nervous. He's really careful about pretty much everything. Obviously, he's a lot more careful than I am. Basically, if he finds out that Stanley Uris has screenshots of our emails, I'm pretty sure he'll freak out. But he'll freak out in his own way. Meaning, he'll stop emailing me. I remember exactly how it felt to see that first message from him in my inbox. It didn't feel like it was real. He wanted to know about me. For the next few days at school after that, it felt like I was some sort of character from a teenage movie. I could also imagine that. It's strange, because realistically, I'm not the lead character. More like a supporting role. I guess I never thought of myself as being an interesting person until I became interesting to him. So I can't tell him. I don't want to lose him.

I've been avoiding Stanley. All week long, in classes and outside of class, I see him trying to catch my eye. I know I sound like a complete coward. This whole situation makes me feel like I am a coward. It's especially stupid, because I eventually decided to help him after all. Or at least I'll cave to his blackmail. Whatever you want to call it. It honestly makes me feel really annoyed. I'm distracted all through dinner. My parents are especially excited tonight because it's Netflix night. They picked out the show last night, but tonight we're all picking one. It's like some weird Tozier family tradition. We're all so perfectly ridiculous. I don't even know. We've all always been like this. "And how are Ben and Beverly?" my dad asks. My family love all of my friends, but especially those two. "They're amazing," I say. "I hope Beverly's his girlfriend finally," my mom says. That's funny, mom, because listen to this. I have to stop Bill from getting with Beverly, just so Stanley Uris doesn't expose me. Did I mention I'm gay? I mean, how do people even begin with this stuff? Maybe it would be different if we lived somewhere else like in California, but I don't know how to be openly gay in Derry. We're sort of right outside of the centre of Maine, so I know it could be worse. But Derry, Maine isn't exactly paradise. At school, there's a few people who are out, and people definitely give them crap. But not violent crap exactly. But homophobic words aren't exactly uncommon. And I guess there's a few lesbian and bisexual girls, but I guess that my school treats girls differently. It may be easier for them at my school. If there's one thing that people at school has taught me, it's that guys don't consider it as "weird." Though, I guess it happens in reverse. There are girls like Bev, who draws anime and posts them online. Which is cool to me. Bev's drawings are actually awesome. And Bev's also into fanfiction, which got me curious so I poked around on the internet and read some last summer. There's so many to choose from. I found the ones with decent grammar and stayed up all night. It was a weird couple of weeks. That was the summer I got hooked and tried to hide them from my parents. There are some fanfics that shouldn't be read by your parents. After dinner, they set up Netflix. After a long debate over what to watch, we're stuck watching Gossip Girl. "Okay, it's all set up. I'm going to-no wait, is everyone ready? Good, let's start it." my dad is sat in the middle of me and my mom and he's hogging all of the cushions. It's so annoying. My family always hog the cushions during movie nights. "Went, give me one too." My parents are occupied with actually concentrating on the show and fighting over the cushions. Normally, I would join in. But I can't exactly concentrate today. I can't think properly. And it's not just because of Stanley saving the emails. It's the emails themselves. I've been feeling a little strange about the whole girlfriend thing since he asked me about it. I wonder if he thinks I'm really fake or something now. I get the impression that once he realised he was gay, he didn't even pay attention to any girls, and that was final. I guess it was easy being in relationships where I wasn't embarrassed at being attracted to someone. It's like, I get along well with girls. Kissing them is fine. Dating then is manageable to me. "Okay, but I like that Carter guy," my mom says. "Carter?" my dad asks. My mom and dad are always having random conversations out of nowhere. "Wait, is he the gay guy?" my dad asks. "I didn't know he was gay," my mom says back. "Mags, I don't even know what to say to that." I tense up. Bev once said that she'd rather have people call her a slut or something directly than have to sit there and listen to them talking shit about some other person. I actually agree with that. Nothing is worse than the secret humiliation of being insulted by people like that. "Dad, stop," I say. And so he pretends not to hear me telling him to stop. I never know if my dad says that kind of stuff because he means it, or if he's just trying to push all of my buttons. I mean, if that's the way he feels, it's good to know I guess. Even if I can't un-know it.

So, another issue is the lunch table. It's been less than a week since the blackmail conversation, but Stanley intercepts me on my way back from the lunch line. "What do you want now, Stanley?" He glances towards my table. "Do you have any room for one more?" "Um." I look down. "Not really." There's a weird silence. "We've got eight people already." "Didn't realise the seats were now assigned." I don't have a fucking clue what to say to that. People choose where they sit, and they sit where they always sit as well. It's basically a law of the universe or something. You can't just switch around the lunch tables now. And my group is weird, but it works. Ben, Beverly, and me. My two ex-girlfriends, Sandy and Sally, who listen to weird music together, and are basically inseparable now. Sally and I actually dated freshmen year, and I think her and Sandy are best friends now. Then you have the randomness of Ben's study buddies: awkward germaphobe Eddie Kaspbrak and homeschool Mike Hanlon. And Bill. Me and Bill have also been friends since kindergarten, but I guess I'm closer to him than I am with Stan. He's like our unofficial leader and like a big brother to me anyway. So, that's the eight of us. And it's basically final. Already, we've had to put in two extra chairs in an originally six-person table. "Yes, well," Stanley leans backwards in his chair and stares at the ceiling. "I figured we were on the same page with the Bill thing, but..." Then, he (seriously) raises his eyebrows at me. So, we haven't exactly laid out terms with this blackmail arrangement, but clearly it's something like this: Stanley is allowed to ask for whatever the hell he wants. And I'm supposed to do it. How fucking awesome. "Look, I want to help you." "Whatever you say, Tozier." "Listen," I lower my voice, almost whispering to him. "I'm gonna talk to him. Okay? But you have to let ME handle all this." He shrugs. I sense him glaring at me as I walk all the way to my table. I have to act like everything is completely normal. It's not like I can say anything. I mean, now I have to say something about him to Bill, I guess. But it'll be the exact opposite of what I want to say. It may be hard getting Bill to like him. Because I can't stand him now. But I guess that's beside the point. 

Except the days pass by, and I still haven't handled it. I haven't talked to Bill, or invited Stanley along to crap, or locked them in empty classrooms together, I don't know what he wants, honestly. I'm hoping to avoid finding out for as long as possible. I guess I've been doing a lot of disappearing as an attempt to hide from it all. Or trying to get Ben and Beverly together, just so Stanley won't try to talk to me. I pull into the school's parking lot on Tuesday morning, and Bev hops out-but when I don't follow, she pokes her head back inside of my car. "Um, are you coming in?" "Eventually," I say. "Alright," she pauses. "Are you okay?" "What? Of course I am, yeah." She looks at me. "Bev. I'm fine." "Okay," she says, stepping away. She shuts the car door and heads toward the school entrance. I don't know. Beverly's weirdly observant sometimes, but talking to her about stuff can be awkward. I never really noticed it until now. I end up messing around on my phone, refreshing my emails and watching music videos. But there's a knock on the car window, and I almost jump in surprise. I think I've started expecting to see Stanley popping up everywhere. Except it's just Ben. I gesture to him from inside the car for him to come in. He climbs into the passenger seat. "What are you doing?" Avoiding Stanley. "Watching videos," I say. "Perfect. I've got this one song in my head right now." "If it's by New Kids On The Block," I inform him, "or something else like that, then no way." "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that." I love messing with Ben. We end up watching an episode of Pokémon as a compromise, and it's the perfect distraction. I keep an eye on the time, because I actually don't want to miss my English class. I just want to avoid bumping into Stanley before class begins, because he might try to talk to me. And it's funny. I know Ben can tell something's up with me, but he doesn't ask or try to talk to me about it. It's just one of those things about us. I know his different tones of voice and expressions and his weird habits. His random monologues and lectures. The way he scratches the back of his neck when he's nervous. And I guess he probably knows the same things about me as well. I mean, we've known each other for four years. But, I don't have a clue what goes on inside of his head most of the time. It actually reminds me of the situation with HIM. Ben takes my phone and starts scrolling through the videos. "If we can find the best one, we can officially have a good reason for skipping English." "Um, if we find the best one, I'm watching Pokémon for the entire year." He looks at me and laughs. The thing is, it isn't lonely with Ben. It's easy. So maybe it's a good thing. 

I'm a little early for the school day on Thursday, so I slip out the side door of the cafeteria and walk around to the back of the school. it's actually pretty cold for Derry, and it probably rained. Really, though, there are only two different kinds of weather: hoodie and sweater weather and weather where it's way too hot but you wear a hoodie or sweater anyway. I must have left my headphones in my backpack in my car. I HATE playing music out loud, but I suppose music is always better than no music at all. I lean against the wall, searching through the music to find something new. I usually listen to what I already know, but sometimes you just have to switch it up. Suddenly, I'm not alone. "Okay, Tozier. What's your problem?" Stanley asks, moving to stand beside me against the back wall. "MY problem?" "You're avoiding me." "No, I'm not," I say. I move away from the wall and start walking back towards the school entrance. I mean, I don't want to be late for my remaining classes. Stanley catches up to me. "Seriously," he says, "I am not going to show the emails to anyone, okay? Stop freaking out about it." But I'm not stupid and I know that's complete bullshit. Because he didn't exactly say he was planning on deleting them. He looks at me, and his expression is unreadable. It's funny. All the years I've known this kid, laughing at the random shit he says. All the times I've seen him in history class. We even sat next to each other in half of our classes for a year. But now, I barely know him. I guess I don't know him at all anymore. I guess I ended up severely underestimating him. "I said I was going to talk to him," I say finally, "okay?" My hands are on the entrance door. "Wait," he says. I look over at him, and he's holding his phone. "I know you changed your phone number, give me your phone number." "Do I have a choice?" "I mean..." He shrugs. "Jesus Christ, Stanley." I grab his phone, and I'm practically punching my new phone number into his contacts. "I'll just call you so you have mine again." "Whatever." Fucking Stanley Uris. I'm definitely putting him in my contacts as "world's biggest asshole." I push the door open, and head to class. "Richie!" Bill waves at me as I take my seat. "Where did you go off to?" "What did I miss?" I force a smile. "Nothing," he says under his breath, "but we're stuck with Gretta here." "We're officially in hell." Gretta Bowie. She's the worst. Like, if perfection had an evil side, basically. There's really no other good way to explain it. And she's the kind of person who goes around asking the entire school how they did on exams. Not even to be remotely supportive, she just wants to laugh at your grades. She's also the kind of person who pretends to ask the teachers a question, but she already knows the answer, but she just wants to show off. Connor Bowers is also in our class. He's also a junior, and he carries two of everything with him in his pencil case. It's funny because he's the sort of person who bosses us about sometimes but he's the worst at it. He's a decent person I guess, which is something you almost never get in Derry. He also has curly hair, and kind of has these bright-coloured eyes. I haven't heard if he's gay, but there's this vibe, maybe. There's this conversation in class and everyone laughs and to be honest, this is the best kind of moment. I fall a little bit in love with everyone in that classroom. Even freaking Gretta. Even Stanley. He shyly smiles at me when he catches my eye, and really I just have to smile back at him. He's such an asshole, seriously, but he's just so stupid and fidgety and annoying. It makes it much harder to actually hate him. So yeah. It's not like I'm going to write a love letter in his honour or anything. And I don't know what he expects me to say to Bill. I have no clue. But I'll think of something.

Class ends, but me and Bill stay sat down, watching Connor pack up his things in his backpack. The late bus doesn't leave for another fifteen minutes, and then it's another hour until Bill gets home. He stays behind after school hours every day and that's more than I do in an entire freaking week. Derry is so weirdly small, and no one ever talks about it. He yawns and leans back. He's wearing his signature flannel shirt and jeans, and he's wearing a watch on his left wrist. Stanley sits across from us, a several feet away, zipping up his backpack so slowly that it's obviously deliberate. He seems to be avoiding eye contact with either one of us. Bill's blue eyes are closed. He has a half-smile on his face. If he was my type...The Bill thing. I think I would understand it. Though I think I used to have a small crush on him. "Hey, Stanley," I say, and my voice sounds a little strange. He looks over at me. "Are you going to Mike's tomorrow?" "Uh," he says. "Is it a party?" "It's a Halloween party. You should come. I can send you the address if you don't already know it." Just send a quick text to world's biggest asshole. "Maybe," he says. He stands, and immediately nearly trips over his own shoelace. Then he tries to play it off as if nothing happened. Bill laughs, and he smiles, and I'm not even kidding: he actually waves. I mean, I don't even know what to say or how to react to that. I guess there's a difference between laughing AT someone and laughing WITH someone. I'm pretty sure Stanley is in the middle of that difference. Bill turns his head to look at me. "I didn't know you were still such good friends with Stan," he says. Which is the most hilarious fucking statement EVER.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is your first Losers Club introduction and content, this is probably one of my favourite chapters. Richie's parents are also introduced as well, and I stan them in this. Thank you to the people that left kudos on this, I really appreciate it so thank you so much, I'm glad you are enjoying this. I'm sorry if I haven't been posting every day like I said I would attempt to do, I've had so many assignments lately, but thank you for being patient. Also, how you've managed to put up with this Trashmouth, I have no idea. I am a real life Richie Tozier though. Which Losers Club member are you the most like? I'm also kind of Eddie too, but definitely more like Richie. Again, thank you for reading this, hope you continue to enjoy my choaticness and this fanfiction!


	4. Almost Halloween

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our second interaction via email between Richie and his "pen pal." It is almost Halloween in Derry, and they discuss their childhood Halloween costumes and their plans for this year's Halloween.

From: futurecomedian@mail.com  
To: EFK113@mail.com  
Date: October 30th at 9:50 PM  
Subject: Almost Halloween

So, I guess I never tried to pull off something actually scary. My family is all about the funny costumes. We used to get really competitive about whose costume would make us all laugh the hardest. There was a trashcan one last year. It was literally just a trashcan full of trash. And I pretty much did the same thing every year. Sometimes I did the whole boy in a dress thing for Halloween, but not in front of my parents and it never got old (until it did, I guess- I was in fourth grade and had this dress as a costume, but then I looked in the mirror and I was completely mortified). Now, I aim for something simple and badass. I can't believe you're not dressing up this year. Don't you realise that you're throwing away the opportunity to be someone else? Disappointedly yours. -Your random pen pal.

From: EFK113@mail.com  
To: futurecomedian@mail.com  
Date: October 31st at 8:10 AM  
Subject: RE: Almost Halloween

Sorry to disappoint you. I'm not a big fan of dressing up, but you make a compelling case for it. I completely see the appeal of being someone else for the evening (or just in general). Actually, I did the exact same thing myself when I was little. I was always a superhero. I guess I used to like imagining myself having a complicated secret identity. Maybe I still do. Maybe that's the point of these emails. Anyway, I'm not dressing up this year, because I'm not going out. My mom has some event on, so I'm stuck at home. There's nothing sadder than a sixteen-year-old boy home alone on Halloween answering the door in full costume. Your family sound like they are interesting people. How did you even buy that dress without your parents finding out? I bet you were awesome though. Did your parents ever try to ruin your costumes by making them weather appropriate? I remember throwing a huge tantrum one year because my mom made me wear a turtleneck with my costume. Though, in retrospect, it wasn't too bad. Sorry, mom! Anyway, I hope you enjoy your day off. And I hope everyone likes your ninja costume (that has to be it, right? Simple and badass?). -EFK.

From: futurecomedian@mail.com  
To: EFK113@mail.com  
Date: October 31st at 8:25 AM  
Subject: RE: Almost Halloween  
A ninja? A good guess, but nope. -Your random pen pal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again to those that have left kudos on this work and that are enjoying this! It's almost Christmas so as an early Christmas present for you all, I will try to do two chapters a day instead of one now, especially since I go on Christmas break this week so I will have a lot of free time. At the moment, this is the only fanfiction I have planned to write, although I am active on Wattpad too, but if you have any ideas for a fanfiction I could write, leave me a comment. 
> 
> It is also almost my birthday, it's coming up on January 4th (yes for those IT fans, my birthday is on the same day as Jaeden Martell who plays Bill Denbrough), which I'm actually kind of excited for, kind of. Also happy (early) Hanukkah/holidays/Christmas to everyone!


	5. Halloween In Derry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Halloween in Derry! What could possibly go wrong?

Honestly, there is nothing better than Halloween on a Friday. All day in school, there's this vibe, and it makes the work less boring and the people funnier. I've got cat ears on my head (that Beverly made me wear), and a fake tail pinned to the back of my jeans, and people I don't even know are giving me smiles in the hallways. I guess there are laughing in a nice way. It's an awesome day. Bill comes home with me, and we're going to walk over to Ben's later so Beverly can pick us all up. Bev's already seventeen, which makes a difference in Derry with your license. I can drive with one other person in the car at a time besides my parents right now, and that's final. My parents aren't at all strict, but they are when it comes to driving. Bill sits on the floor to cuddle with Barry as soon as we walk into the kitchen. Bill and Beverly may not have loads in common, but they're OBSESSED with my dog. And Barry is now lying on his back, staring up at Bill. Barry is a Pomeranian, and he has these big, brown, mischievous, eyes. I was way too pleased with myself when I came up with his name, but it seriously fits him. "So, where is this party?" Bill asks, looking up at me. He is half-cuddling Barry, his hat sliding down over his eyes. A lot of people did the simple school version of Halloween today- animal ears and masks and other things like that. Bill was the only one who showed up wearing a full-on, head-to-toe cowboy costume. "Mike's house? Somewhere at the farm, I think? Ben knows." "So it's going to be mostly the chess club?" "Probably. I don't know," I say. I mean, I did get a text from world's biggest asshole confirming he'd be there. But I don't want to bring him into the conversation. "I think it'll be fun." He tries to move himself away from the dog, and his shirt rides up slightly. He has jeans on, but really? It's kind of funny. As far as I know, everyone thinks I'm straight, but already, Bill seems to have figured that he doesn't have to be self-conscious around me. But maybe that's just how he is. "Hey, are you hungry?" He asks. I realise I'm supposed to have offered him something. We end up cooking a bad attempt at grilled cheese and then bringing it into the living room to eat in front of the TV. My mom is on her side of the couch, reading. She doesn't really like Halloween. She never goes out. I catch her looking at our food, and then she leaves the couch to make one for herself. I mean, she should have just told me. Mom always gives me crap about talking back to her. Though I guess I do tend to do that sometimes. I have a hard time shutting my mouth sometimes. It's probably the worst thing about me. We watch some random shows with Barry between us on the couch. My mom comes back in with her own food and goes back to reading. My mom, my dad, and I tend to eat in front of the TV or with music playing. "Hey, we better get dressed, right?" Bill says. Bill has a different costume for the party, because by now everyone has seen the cowboy. "We don't have to be at ut I knew she'd be awake when we got home. She seriously tries too hard at being a 'cool mom.' "And Ben sang from everyone," Bill says. "He's very talented, that Ben," says my mom. "Oh, I know," Bill replies. "People swoon over Ben's until eight." "Don't you want to dress up for the people who are trick-or-treating?" he says. "They hate it when people aren't in costume." "Um, if you say so. But I'm telling you, the children down our road are all about the candy, and they don't care where it comes from." "That's concerning," says Bill. I laugh. "Yeah, it is." "Okay, well, I'm using your bathroom now. It's time to change." "Sounds good," I say. "I'll change in here." Mom looks up from her book. "Richard Tozier!" "It's just a Spider-Man costume. You'll survive." "Who's that?" I can't even..."Mom, that's disappointing." "So it's some superhero thing then," she says.

Mike gives Ben a high-five and a side hug when we walk in. "Ben. How are you?" And there's music and random bursts of laughter and people holding drinks that definitely have alcohol in them. Already, I'm actually feeling a little out of my comfort zone for once. So, here's the thing. I'm used to parties. But one's where you go to someone's house and it's in their basement, and there's so much junk food and people randomly singing. Maybe people playing video games too. "So, does anyone want anything to drink?" Mike asks. "We have um, beer, and vodka and rum.." "Yeah, no thanks," says Beverly. "I'm driving these idiots." "Oh, well we have soda and juice too." "I'll have vodka with orange juice," says Bill. Beverly shakes her head at him. "Vodka with orange juice for Batman Bill. Ben, Richie? Do you want anything?" "Hit me with a beer," I say. "A beer for Tozier," Mike jokes, and then he laughs. I guess because he's in a good mood. He disappears to get us drinks, which is what Bev would probably say is excellent hosting. And there's no way in hell I'm telling my parents about the alcohol. They would be too fucking amused by it. I pull my mask over my face and lean against the wall. Ben has disappeared upstairs to get Mike's old guitar, so there's this weird tension between Bill and Beverly. Bill sings along to the music under his breath. I feel myself practically hiding behind Beverly. Sometimes I can tell she's feeling what I'm feeling. Beverly looks over at the couch. "Ugh, can people not make out in here, please?" "Who's making out with who?" says Bill. There's a pause. "Yeah...forget it," says Beverly. I think sometimes Beverly can be very sarcastic. But Bill doesn't seem to notice. "Where's Ben?" Bev asks. Just hearing Beverly say Ben's name makes Bill go completely silent. "Listening to his cringy music somewhere?" I suggest. "Yeah," says Beverly. "Probably, but it's not cringy, Richard." Bill starts giggling. Beverly looks flushed and kind of pleased with herself as well. It's the weirdest thing. There are these moments with Bill and Beverly where it honestly seems like they're showing off for each other. But then Mike walks out with our drinks, and something in Beverly's expression changes. "Alright- vodkas for the lovebirds..." Mike says, handing one to them both. "This is...okay," says Beverly, rolling her eyes and leaving her drink on a nearby table. "And a beer for-wait, who are you meant to be again, Richie?" "Spider-Man," I say. "Who's that?" "Peter Parker?" "Well, take your mask off, please. And who is Beverly meant to be?" "Beyoncé," says Beverly, looking like she's completely annoyed. Mike looks confused. "Poison Ivy." "I..." "It's a superhero thing," she says. "Ah." 

There's a crash from people knocking something over, and Mike's eyes move to look in the direction of the chaos. A group of girls are sitting on the table, and I guess one of them knocked something over. There's this burst of wild, drunk laughter. And I almost wish I was at home with my parents, watching Saturday Night Live or something and waiting for trick-or-treaters and stuffing my face with candy. Which, for the record, never ends well either. I don't know though. It's not that I'm having a bad time, exactly, but it feels strange being here. I take a sip of my drink and it's-I mean, it's actually beyond disgusting. Holy fucking hell. You're telling me that people get fake IDs and sneak into bars and clubs for this? I honestly think I'd rather make out with my own fucking dog. Or even Stanley. Anyway, this is seriously worrying. Mike leaves Ben's drink with us and joins the girls at the table. I think they're freshmen. Their costumes are actually surprisingly clever. But they are really young. I can't believe they're drinking or that they are being allowed to drink. Mike picks up what they knocked off the table, and the fact that he's worried about the table makes me like him even more. "There you are," says Bill. Ben has returned, singing some song. He sits on the floor, his back against the side of the couch. A couple of people glance over at him without stopping their conversations. It's weird because pretty much everyone looks familiar, but it's all chess club and the cheerleading team which is fine, obviously. It's just that I don't really know them. It's pretty obvious that I won't be seeing Connor Bowers in this crowd, and I don't know where Stanley is. I sit, and Beverly slides down the wall next to me, leaning against it. She's wearing a dress as her costume, and I can tell she's trying to keep her legs from showing. I move closer to her, and she smiles without looking at me. Bill sits down, facing us, and it's kind of nice. We basically have our own corner of the room. I feel kind of happy and maybe a little tipsy now, and my drink doesn't taste so bad after a while. Mike or someone must have turned the stereo off, and a couple of people have come over to talk to Ben. I don't know if I mentioned this at all, but Ben can actually sing. Of course, he has this weird obsession with boy bands, but I guess that's not always a bad thing. Right now he's singing "Pumped Up Kicks" and I'm thinking about HIM. And I'm thinking about Connor Bowers.

Here's the thing. I have this feeling that HE is Connor Bowers. I don't know why but I just do. I don't know what it is. But sometimes when I look at Connor, I feel like we understand each other, and he gets it, and it's unspoken. "Richie, how much did you drink?" asks Beverly. I'm playing with the ends of her hair. Her hair is pretty. "A beer." "Just one? You're so ridiculous." But she's almost smiling. "Bev, did you know you have really pretty hair?" She looks at me. "What?" "You know what I'm talking about. You have pretty hair." "Um, alright then." Bill laughs. "Hey," someone says. I look up, and it's Stanley Uris. "Hey," I say as Stanley sits beside Bill, close to him but not too close. And like always, I need to shut up. I needed to shut up about five minutes ago. The stereo kicks back in again. "I think I'm going to get a drink," Stanley says, standing up. "Does anyone want one?" "I'm driving," says Beverly. But even if she wasn't driving, I think she still wouldn't be drinking. I know that. Because there's an invisible line, and on one side there's Mike and Bill and Ben and every other person ever. People who go to parties almost every night and drink and don't get drunk after one drink. People who take risks and don't think it's a huge deal. On the other side of the line are people like Beverly and me. But there's one thing that makes this weirdly better, knowing that HE is one of us. I might be wrong but I actually don't think he's ever kissed anyone. It's funny- I don't even know if it counts that I have. I've never kissed another guy. That's something I think about all the time. "Tozier?" asks Stanley. "What?" "Do you want a drink?" "No, I'm good." Beverly makes this weird noise that sounds like a laugh. "I'm fine as well. Thanks though!" And I'm guessing that Richie's parents don't need to see me drunk either." "I don't think they would care." Bill looks at me. "I think you'd be surprised." "They let me do whatever I want, most of the time." "Wow. Such a badass," Beverly jokes. "My parents aren't badass parents." I shake my head. "I'm SO much more of a badass than they are." "Sure," says Stanley, sitting back down beside Bill with a drink in his hand. Bill stretches and stands up. "Come on. People are dancing." "Good for them," says Ben. "WE are dancing too." Bill says. "Noo." But he lets him pull him up from off the floor because everyone listens to Bill. "I guess we could dance," says Stanley. "Do it then." He attempts to join in with the dancing and fails miserably. "Awesome," Bill says. "Come on." He stands up, smiling. Then he lets Bill guide him to the 'dance floor,' where people are dancing to the music. Except Bill is slightly less shy when he dances, so Ben and Stanley end up awkwardly dancing and avoiding looking at each other. 

"Oh no," says Beverly. "It's happening. We're finally witnessing something more painful than Stanley's Bar Mitzvah." "It's definitely awkward." "Should we film this?" "Just watch it." I put my arm around her shoulders, pulling her in closer. And Bev kind of hates hugs, but today she hugs me back and mumbles something. "What?" I nudge her. She just shakes her head and sighs. Beverly drops us all off at Ben's house at midnight, and from there, it's a ten minute walk back to my house. The lights are off everywhere, but the neighbourhood is still lit up. There are a few pumpkins and lots of toilet paper tangled through bushes. Derry can be a calm place most of the time, but on Halloween, it's chaotic. At least it is in my neighbourhood. It's cold and way too quiet- if Bill wasn't with me, I would have to play music. It feels weird. Us in our Spider-Man and Batman costumes. What a team. We stop at the end of Ben's street. "Alright. I have something to ask you," Bill says. "Yeah?" "So, Stan talked to me when you were in the bathroom." I tense up. "Okay," I say. "Yeah, and this is-I might be wrong, but he was talking about homecoming, and he brought the topic up several times-about three times." "Did he ask you to go with him?" "Not exactly. I guess it seemed like he was trying to though?" Stanley fucking Uris. But holy fuck, I'm actually so relieved he didn't ask him. "I'm guessing he didn't get anywhere with that." Bill bites his lip and smiles shyly. "He's sweet." "Sure." "But I'm already going with Audra." "Really? How did I not know that?" "Sorry-was I supposed to announce it to everyone?" He grins. "Anyway, I don't know if you could mention it to Stan. You're still friends, right? I'd rather not deal with him asking me to homecoming, if I can avoid it." "Um, I'll see what I can do." "What about you?" Bill asks. "Not sure." Beverly, Ben and I think that homecoming is incredibly lame, and we skip it every year. "You could ask Bev to go with you," Bill says. He looks at me with a weird expression. I almost laugh. "You think I like Bev?" "I don't know," he says, shrugging. "It looked like you liked her earlier." "Me and Beverly?" I ask. But I'm gay. GAY. I should really just tell him. I think I can imagine his reaction. Yeah. Maybe not tonight. "Hey," I say, not looking at him. "Do you think maybe you would ever be into Stanley?" "Stan Uris? Um, why?" "Nothing. No reason. I don't know. He's a decent person, I guess." My voice sounds weird. I can't believe I'm doing this. 

"It's cute that you two are still friends." I don't even know what to say to that. My mom is waiting for us when we walk in, and it's time to brace myself for a lecture. The thing about my mom is she worries a lot. And it shows. "How was the party?" Here we go. I mean, really. Bill is definitely WAY better with words than I am. He gives a really detailed description while my mom brings us some snacks. My parents are usually in bed a little after eleven, and I can tell my mom is exhausted. But I knew she'd be awake when we got home. She seriously tries too hard at being the 'cool mom.' "And Ben sang for everyone," Bill says. "He's very talented, that Ben," says my mom. "Oh I know," Bill replies. "People were swooning over him." "That's why I keep telling Richard to play an instrument. He used to play." "I'm going to bed," I say. My mom has Bill staying in the guest room, which is hilarious, considering Ben who has been spending the night on my bedroom floor for about four years. It isn't until I'm in my room that I can finally relax. Barry is already passed out at the foot of my bed. My costume ends up in a heap on the floor. I did actually try to aim for the laundry basket (since my mom forces me to have one in here). I'm slightly unathletic, leave me alone. I lie on top of my bed without actually getting in it. I sometimes hate messing up the sheets before I absolutely have to. I know it's weird, but I do attempt to make my bed every single day, even though the rest of my room is a complete mess. I put on my headphones. The walls are kind of thin, so I'm not supposed to listen to anything out loud when everyone goes to bed. I need something familiar, something I already know. I'm wide awake and still recovering from the party. I think it was good. I don't have a lot to compare it to. It's crazy to think that I even dared to have a drink with alcohol on it, even though I tend to smoke with Bev most days. It's lame to think that I got slightly drunk from just one drink. Mike and the whole chess team probably think it's crazy to stop at one drink. But they're not me. I'm definitely not telling my parents about it. I won't get into trouble if I did tell them though. I don't know. They get curious. It's like they have this idea of me and who I am, and whenever I step outside of that and their expectations, it blows their minds. It's embarrassing in a way I can't even describe. 

Telling my parents was easily the weirdest, most horrible and embarrassing thing about having a girlfriend. Every time. It was worse than the break-ups. I'll never forget the day I told them about my first girlfriend. They wanted to know EVERYTHING about her. My mom was the one who got obsessed with the idea of me having a girlfriend even though I had never had one before then. I don't know why it was such a surprise to her, since I'm pretty sure most people start out without ever having one. But yeah. She was just so interested in all of it. It was like having a huge spotlight on me. Honestly, the weirdest part is how they made it feel like I was coming out to them. Which can't be normal. As far as I know, coming out isn't something that I'd have to worry about if I was straight. That's what people wouldn't understand. This coming out thing. It's not even about me being gay, because I think my family would be fine with it. We're not that religious. My dad likes to joke around, and it would be extremely awkward, but I guess I'm lucky. They wouldn't disown me. And people at school would give me hell, but my friends would be fine with it. Beverly loves gay guys, so she'd probably be thrilled. But I'm tired of coming out. All I ever do is come out. I try to stay the same and be myself, but I keep changing into this different person, in these small ways. I get a girlfriend, I drink alcohol at a party. And every fucking time, I have to re-introduce myself to the universe all over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe I'm already on Chapter 5! I'll keep this short but thank you for staying around for this chapter. I hope everyone has a good Christmas, when it arrives. I don't have any plans, but I'll probably end up crying to IT Chapter Two again, because I do every time I watch it. (Hence the IT Chapter Two reference that some of you may notice ;) ). I can't help it, I might be exactly like Richie Tozier in real life, but my favourite is Eddie and I love him so much. Bowers is in my room is so iconic. Anyway, hope you enjoy the Halloween chapter!


	6. The Aftermath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yet another email between our favourite people ;) Just a quick warning that the chapter will include one inappropriate title, but apart from that, it is 100% appropriate.

From: EFK113@mail.com  
To: futurecomedian@mail.com  
Date: November 1st at 11:12 AM  
Subject: RE: Almost Halloween

I hope your Halloween was a good one, and that your simple but badass costume was appreciated. Things were quiet around here. I only saw about six trick-or-treaters. Of course, that means I secretly ate some leftover candy. I can't believe it's almost homecoming already. I'm actually a little excited about it. But soccer is still my least favourite sport to watch, but I actually like going to the homecoming game. There's something about it...Are you doing anything interesting this weekend? :) -EFK.

From: futurecomedian@mail.com  
To: EFK113@mail.com  
Date: November 1st at 5:30 PM  
Subject: Candy is better than sex

I'm sorry you got stuck at home last night- especially when there was only six trick-or-treaters. What a waste of time. Next year, just put the bowl on the porch with a note telling them to take two or something. The children in my neighbourhood would have taken almost all of the candy while laughing, and they probably would have destroyed the note. Maybe the children in your childhood are more well-behaved or something. But seriously, leftover candy? Is it possible to send candy over email now? PLEASE SAY IT IS. My Halloween was decent. I won't say too much about it, but I ended up going to my friend's house for a party. I don't actually think it was my scene, but it was...interesting. I guess I had a good time (wait- I think I just ruined my chance of convincing you that I'm a hardcore, badass party animal ninja, didn't I?) So, I keep thinking about the secret identity thing and the idea of it. Do you ever feel trapped inside yourself? I'm not sure if that made any sense. I guess I mean that sometimes it seems like everyone knows who I am except me. Okay, so I am actually glad that you mentioned homecoming, because I totally forgot that there's that school event on this week. It's on Monday, right? I guess I should probably check before I totally embarrass myself. Honestly, I can't believe they schedule a week-long event right after Halloween. Derry Elementary really blows its load on events and holidays all at once. What will you wear for the event on Monday? I know you won't answer that. I totally figured you'd be pining after the cheerleading team on Friday, because you're all about the ladies. Me too. Me too ;) -Your random pen pal.

From: EFK113@mail.com  
To: futurecomedian@mail.com  
Date: November 2nd at 1:45 PM  
Subject: RE: Candy is better than sex

Candy is better than sex? I'll admit, I wouldn't know, but honestly I have to hope you're wrong about that one...Maybe then you should stop having sex, I'm just saying. Well, the children in your neighbourhood certainly sound charming. That actually isn't a huge issue here, so maybe I'll consider taking your advice. It will probably be boring anyway, because my mom almost never goes out. She just can't keep up with your 'hardcore, badass party animal ninja ways' :) I completely understand what you mean about trapped in your own body. For me, I don't even think it has anything to do with other people thinking they know me. It's more about me wanting to say and do certain things, but I always seem to hold myself back. I think a big part of me is afraid. Thinking about it makes me nauseated..Did I mention I get nervous way too easily? Of course, that's the exact reason why I don't WANT to say anything about the event of school and outfits. I don't want to give you a chance to put two and two together and figure out who I am. Whatever this is, whatever it is we're doing here, I don't think it works if we know each other's real identities. I have to admit that it makes me really nervous to think of you as someone that is connected to my real life, rather than a (mostly) anonymous person. Obviously, most of the things I've told you about myself already are things I've never talked about with anyone before...I don't know-I suppose there's something about you that makes me want to open up to you, and that's TERRIFYING for me. I hope I haven't made this too awkward. I know you were joking when you asked what I was going to wear, but I wanted to put this out there-just in case you weren't completely joking about it after all. I have to admit, I'm curious about you too. -EFK. P.S. I'm going to attach a GIF of some candy to this email. I hope this is what you had in mind when you said about sending candy through email.

From: futurecomedian@mail.com  
To: EFK113@mail.com  
Date: November 3rd at 6:30 PM  
Subject: RE: Candy is better than sex 

I think I made you uncomfortable, and I'm sorry. I tend to do that to people sometimes, and I can be a nosy person. It's always been a problem. I'm so sorry. I know I sound like I am annoying. I don't know if I mentioned this (I probably have), but our emails are REALLY important to me. I would NEVER forgive myself if I fucked this all up. Sorry, messed this all up. Sorry, I don't even know if you swear. So, I might have given you the wrong idea or impression with this subject. I have to admit that I don't TECHNICALLY know whether candy is better than sex. Candy is really fucking incredible, I wasn't lying about that, don't get me wrong. And I'm guessing it's better than heterosexual sex for me anyway, but that's my opinion. Non-heterosexual sex though? I imagine it may be better than candy. I don't know how I'm talking about this because I normally can't without blushing or being embarrassed that I'm thinking about something like that. Anyway, as we're talking about candy, thank you for the GIF. That was EXACTLY what I had in mind. Instead of actually eating some, I totally just wanted to IMAGINE how awesome it would be to eat some. It's great, because I really wanted to torture myself, but I didn't feel like making the effort to search candy on the internet myself. I would raid my own supply of leftover candy, but it didn't even survive the weekend, so we don't have any left, sadly. -Your random pen pal. Officially partying harder than your mom since birth ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! Can you believe that there's only 9 days until Christmas? I can't! So, good news for you all, I have decided that I am going to write a sequel to this book! As for the first emails that I also considered doing, I am either going to put them on my Wattpad or write them at the end of the book, but there is a possibility that I might leave them out, but I'm not sure yet. If you want to follow me on Wattpad, my username is sonotreddieforthis. I have a Losers Club headcannon book on there that I am finishing up if you want to read it! Also, I apologise for any grammar mistakes I have made so far (especially the stupid and obvious ones), I'm writing this all from my computer and sometimes it autocorrects, but I will check and correct any mistakes once I have completed this fanfic.Merry almost Christmas/holidays/Hanukkah to you all! And enjoy Chapter Six!


	7. It's Showtime, Losers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's another event in Derry and everything goes well..at first. Be warned, everything is about to crash and burn.

Wednesday is gender and LGBT+ celebration day, but at my school it's where straight people cross-dress. It's not one of my favourites because most people use it as an excuse to make fun of it. We watch a comedy movie in first period, because literally every English teacher thinks that they are a comedian. The classroom smells a little like beer and I'm pretty sure people sneak in here to make out and stuff in here, especially since there's a little couch in the room. It's that kind of couch. But we all fight to sit on it anyway during class because everything's about a million times more bearable when you're not sat at a desk for an hour. Today, it's been taken over by the chess club, who are wearing the Derry Elementary cheerleading uniforms- specifically, Ben, Mike and Eddie, which is surprising. That's generally the 'trend' for people to do for gender and LGBT+ day. There are actually only about ten cheerleaders on our team, so I have no idea how they managed to get some. Maybe they all have spare uniforms per person. Who the fuck knows what this school spends its money on. But I have to admit that it's kind of awesome seeing them all join in. But I can't believe Eddie Kaspbrak kind of joined in. Eddie from my lunch table. He's this kind of quiet (depending on the situation and the people he's around at the time) hypochondriac who's supposedly really smart, but I've never really heard him speak in class and around some people unless he wants to. He leans back into the corner of the couch, shuffling his feet nervously, and he's actually adorable. The teacher has already started the movie when Bill walks into the room. Between tutoring, soccer practice and creative writing club, and all of his other extracurricular activities, there's always a reason or excuse for Bill to be late to first period, but he never gets called out. It really pisses Ben off, especially because the people on the couch always seem to be willing to move over to make room for Bill, no matter who sits on the couch. He takes one look at the group of people on the couch and he starts laughing. And Ben scarily looks pleased with himself. The expression on his face is exactly the same as the day he thought he found a crystal or something buried beneath the school playground. I mean, it turned out to be a pebble, but still. "What the hell?" Bill says, moving to sit at the desk behind me. He's wearing a full fucking costume. "You didn't dress up, Rich." "Bev made me wear hair clips," I point out. "Okay, well, then they are invisible hair clips." He turns to Beverly. "And you're wearing a dress?" Beverly looks at him and shrugs without explaining. Dressing extra feminine for gender day is just something Beverly does. It's her way of being sarcastic. 

So, here's the thing. I would have left the goddamn hair clips in mom's drawer where I found them (and that Beverly practically forced me to wear) if I thought I could get away with it. But everyone knows I participate in this kind of crap. Ironically, of course. But still. It would be weird if I didn't cross-dress at least a little bit today. It's funny how it ends up being the straightest, preppiest, most intelligent guys who go all out for gender day. I guess they feel secure enough in their masculinity that they don't care. I actually HATE it when people say that. I mean, I feel secure in my masculinity too. Being secure in your masculinity ISN'T the same as being straight. I guess the one thing that's weird for me is dressing like the opposite gender- not that there's anything wrong with it, because there isn't anything wrong with it. What no one knows, even HIM, is that dressing up used to mean something to me. I don't know how to explain it, but I haven't forgotten what it's like. I always knew I was a male, and I've never felt that I've wanted to be anything but a male. But when I was younger, I used to wake up in the middle of the night in April dreaming about Halloween. I would try my costume on a million times every October (even though it was meant to be a joke costume, but I was way too scared and embarrassed to wear it in public or in front of anyone else), and all through November, I obsessively fantasized about pulling it out of my closet one more time. But I never did. I don't know. There's something completely mortifying to me about the intensity of those kind of feelings. I actually remember them so clearly. I can't even stomach the idea of doing anything like that now. I don't even like to think about it too much. Now, when I actually think about it, I can't actually believe that was me. The classroom door opens, and it's Stanley Uris. He didn't bother to dress up much, despite the shorts that he never wears. Stanley's pretty tall, so the amount of his skin on display is actually pretty disturbing. Someone in the back row whistles. "That's a good look, Uris." "Where's your late pass, Mr Uris?" says the teacher. And maybe it's just Beverly or maybe even Ben getting into my head, but I think it's so unfair that Bill didn't have to get one. Stanley stretches as he stands in the doorway, and his shorts slide down slightly. Some people laugh, and Stanley smiles shyly and blushes. I swear, sometimes he will literally do anything for a cheap laugh. But I guess he's kind of a genius for that, because I've never met anyone like him that's so loved or liked by the popular people before. I mean, I'm not going to lie. They like to tease him. But they aren't exactly mean about it, no that I've seen anyway. It's like he's their mascot or something. "Any day now would be good, Mr Uris," the teacher repeats. He actually turns around and walks out of the room.

On Friday, the hallway is covered in decorations, including fake hay. It's a few inches thick and there's even a few strands of it in my freaking locker. Even the lighting looks different. The theme this year is music, and out of every music genre in the world, the junior class just had to pick country. Only in Derry. Which is why I was forced into wearing a bandana and a cowboy hat. School freaking spirit, am I right? Okay so, homecoming SUCKS and country music is beyond embarrassing, but I'm actually in love with the hay. Even though it means Greta Bowie and all of the other council members get to skip science and math class today. It just changes everything. The hallway looks like another universe. When I get to lunch, I seriously almost lose my shit. It's the freshmen. They're actually freaking adorable and ridiculous. I can't stop laughing at them. Their genre is alternative, and it's basically a sea of bangs and wristbands and fake tears or eyeliner. Stanley's at the table right next to ours, and he's actually wearing overalls. Seriously, he owns overalls. He tries to catch my eye, but I look away. Avoiding Stanley is like a hobby for me at this point. I take a seat between Beverly and Mike, who are arguing right over me. Mike ends up slapping his hands down on the table. So, I slap my hands down to mimic him, and he shoots me a shy, self-conscious smile. "Hey," says Ben, settling into the seat across from me and opening his lunch bag. "So, I have an idea," he says. "It's just a thought, but I think we should go to the game tonight." "You're kidding," says Beverly. Ben looks at her. "What about the quarry?" she says. We always hang out at the quarry during the games. "What about it?" asks Ben. Beverly looks away from him, and she looks kind of annoyed. Everyone is quiet for a moment. And maybe my timing sucks, but I guess I'm not really thinking about Beverly. "I'll go to the game," I say. Because I'm pretty sure HE will be at the game. I like the idea of sitting in the same bleachers as him. "Seriously?" Beverly says. I feel her eyes on me, though I avoid looking over at her. "Stop overreacting, Bev-" Ben starts to say. "You shut up." Beverly cuts him off. Mike laughs nervously. "Did I miss something?" Bill arrives at the lunch table only to find us in this weird, awkward silence. He sits down next to Ben. "Is everything alright?" "Yeah, everything's fine." Ben glances at him, and he actually look kind of pissed off. "Okay," he says, and smiles slightly. Bill's wearing a cowboy hat. "So, are you excited for the game tonight?" Beverly stands up, pushes her chair in, and leaves without saying anything else.

The game starts at around seven, but there's some sort of parade at six. I walk over to Ben's house after school, and we drive back to school together. "So, I guess we're officially on Bev's bad side," I say as we turn onto the road leading to our school. Already, there are cars parked on the street, which has to mean the parking lot is full. I guess a lot of people like soccer. "She'll eventually get over it," he says. "Wait, is that a parking space?" "Nope." "Crap, okay. Wow, it really is crowded." I think it's the first time Ben has been here for a school soccer game. It's definitely the first time for me. It takes us around ten minutes to find an actual parking spot that Ben can pull up into from behind, because he actually refuses to parallel park. In the end, we have to walk about a million miles through the rain to get to the school, but I guess cowboy hats are actually good for something other than wearing them after all. It's the first time I've ever noticed the stadium lights. I mean, they've always been there, and I've probably seen them on before. I never actually realised how bright they actually are. HE loves them. I wonder if he's already a part of the mass of people that are already here. We end up paying a couple of dollars just to get in, and they give us tickets, and we're in. There's the marching band who are already playing a weird medley of songs and they are doing an even weirder attempt at a dance in the stands. And really, despite the rain and the cold and the fact that it's homecoming, I think I understand why HE loves this. It actually feels awesome. "There you are!" says Bill, walking towards us. He gives us both an awkward side hug. "I just texted you both. Do you want to join the parade?" Ben and I look at each other. "Okay, I suppose," I say. Ben shrugs. We end up following Bill over to the teacher and staff's parking lot, where the student council people are assembling around the junior class float. It definitely looks like a country thing. There are several bales of hay lining the entire surface, stacked up higher along the back of the float, and someone used red bandanas as if they were streamers all around the border of the frame. Literally everything is lined with Christmas lights. There is some sort of pop-country music blasting through someone's speakers. Bill's loving this, of course. He's already been told to ride in the front with some of the cheerleaders. There are a couple of guys in overalls, including one guy sitting against the hay bales, pretending to play a song on an acoustic guitar. I have to grin in amusement at Ben, because someone fake-playing a guitar pisses him off. Especially someone who can't even be bothered to make it look realistic.

This girl from student council lines us up behind the float in rows, and then someone passes down these short pieces of straw for us to hold in our teeth or something. "And you have to chant," she says, looking dead serious. "We're being judged on spirit." "Yeah right," I try to say to Ben, who laughs a little bit too loudly. There's not a lot you can do with a piece of fake straw clamped between your teeth. The student council girl looks excited but panicked. "Oh wow, everyone, okay. Change of plans. There's going to be no straw. Take the straw out. Okay, good. Please be loud. Remember to smile." The float starts moving around the parking lot, where it stops behind some rock and roll monstrosity the sophomores put together. We follow behind it, waiting for our cue from the council girl, who randomly calls out cheers and randomly yells when things get too quiet. The parade actually leaves the school grounds, where it loops around for a block before coming to a stop on the track circling the football field. The lights shine down on us and people cheer, and I can't believe Ben and I ended up in the middle of this. It's so cliché. I feel like I'm obliged to make some comment about how ridiculous it all is, but honestly? I guess it's sort of nice to not have something to say, for once. I guess it feels like I'm part of something. Bill and the cheerleaders return to the school next, and the cheerleaders immediately rush off to the bathroom as soon as the parade ends to get into their uniforms, and Ben and I look up at where the bleachers are. It's hard to find anyone we recognise in this crowd. It's actually a little overwhelming. "The chess team's up there," Ben says finally, pointing in their direction. I follow him up the stairs, and then we end up having to push past people to get over to them. Just when you think you've finally discovered every single kind of awkwardness there is. And then there's the issue of finding a place to sit. Mike pushes in closer to Eddie to make room, but I'm still basically sitting on Ben's lap, which honestly isn't the worst thing in the entire world but that's not going to work. I stand up again, feeling a little self-conscious. "Okay," I say, "I'm going to go sit somewhere else." I spot Greta a couple rows ahead of us next to the stairs, and she's sitting with her group of friends. There's a couple more people I recognise, including Connor Bowers. I swear my heart clenches. I knew Connor would be here. I squeeze through my row and back down the stairs, feeling as if everyone in the stadium is looking at me. Then I reach over to tap Connor on the shoulder. "What's up, Trashmouth?" he jokes. I like that he calls me Trashmouth, but in a friendly sort of way. A lot of people call me Trashmouth, and I guess I don't mind it, but I don't know. Honestly, I think I like it better when Connor Bowers calls me that. "Hey," I say. "Can I join you?" "Sure." He moves over to make some space. "There's room for you to sit here." And there is. I won't have to sit on his lap, anyway. It's actually kind of disappointing and unfortunate at the same time.

I spend an entire minute trying to think of something to say. I'm actually speechless, something that is very rare for Derry's biggest, loudest Trashmouth. "I don't think I've seen you at a game here before," Connor says, brushing his hair out of his eyes. I can't even. Because Connor's hair. Connor's eyes. The fact that he actually notices me enough to know that I don't go to the school soccer games. "It's my first time," I say. And honestly I try not to cry right then and there because that's definitely the most cringy thing I've ever said. "That's cool." And he's so calm about it. He's not even facing me, because he can talk and watch the game at the same time. "I like coming to them, whenever I can at least. I try to make it to homecoming, if not the games." I try to think of a way to ask the thing I can't ask him. Maybe if I mentioned something, just to see how he would react to it. But if I say something to him, and he really is HIM, he'd know immediately that it's me. And I don't think I'm ready for that. I'm so freaking curious though. "Hi," someone slides in next to me. It's Stanley. I move to make more room for him. "Uris," someone behind us says, messing up Stanley's hair. Stanley smiles up at him. Then he attempts to smooth his hair back down, and fails, and nervously chews his lip for a minute. "What's up, Tozier?" "Nothing," I say, and my heart sinks. He turns around to face me, and it's clear that he wants to have a conversation with me about something. So much for talking to Connor. So much for finding out if Connor is HIM. "Hey, so, this Bill thing." "Yeah?" "So, I tried asking him to homecoming," he says, really quietly, "and he rejected me." "Oh, um. I'm sorry. That sucks." "Richie, did you already know that he has a date to homecoming?" "Um, yeah, I think so. Sorry." I say again. I probably should have told Stanley about that. "Could you let me know next time," he asks, "so I don't completely embarrass myself again?" He looks so miserable. I actually feel guilty. Even though he's blackmailing me, I feel guilty. So that's fucked up. "I don't think Bill and Audra are dating," I say. "Whatever," he says. I look at him. I don't know if he's going to give up on Bill or not. And if he does give up on him- what happens to my emails? Maybe he gets to hold them over my head forever. I literally can't think of anything worse than that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, it is lucky number chapter seven. Watch out Pennywise! This is pretty much the homecoming chapter, even though originally (if you have seen the Love, Simon movie) it happens later on, and it goes kind of a differently than it does in the book, but since this is based on the book, it's more inspired by that. And yes, it's the return of Stanley Uris too. Enjoy!


	8. All Of The Above

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More Reddie content to use as an apology for my inactivity because they are the cutest couple :D

From: futurecomedian@mail.com.  
To: EFK113@mail.com.  
Date: November 11th at 11:45 PM.  
Subject: RE: All of the above.

Okay, first of all, cookies ABSOLUTELY count as a food group. Second of all, they're the ONLY food group that matters. I made up this whole cookie-related thing a few years ago. Who the hell knows what I was thinking. I was probably just hungry that night. My parents are really shitty cooks. Anyway, I forgive you for your ignorance. I know you didn't realise you were talking to a cookie expert. -Your random pen pal. 

From: EFK113@mail.com.  
To: futurecomedian@mail.com.  
Date: November 12th at 5:30 PM.  
Subject: RE: All of the above.

It's true, I had no idea I was talking to such a cookie expert. That cookie thing you make up actually sounds amazing. So, doctor, how many cookies do I need to eat for a balanced diet? I'm getting the impression that you may have a bit of a sweet tooth. -EFK.

From: futurecomedian@mail.com.  
To: EFK113@mail.com.  
Date: November 13th at 7:55 PM.  
Subject: Sweet tooth?

I can't imagine why you'd think that. Alright- I'm very suspicious as to why you've not been 100% committed to your cookie diet. The rules are really basic. You better not make any excuses. Breakfast is obviously those weird cookie cereals. No, they're not gross. Shut up. They're amazing. Lunch should be a cookie sandwich with a cookie milkshake and a couple of normal cookies (AKA the best type of cookie). Dinner is deep-fried cookies served with cookie ice cream, and for a drink, it's another cookie milkshake. No water. Just cookie milkshakes. Dessert can be straight up cookies. Sound reasonable and easy enough? It's good for your health. I swear, typing this is actually making me so hungry. This used to happen to me when I was younger. Isn't it funny and totally weird how you fantasize about junk food when you're a kid? It's really weird. I guess you have to obsess about something before you know about teenage things. -Your random pen pal. 

From: EFK113@mail.com.  
To: futurecomedian@mail.com.  
Date: November 14th at 10:58 PM.  
Subject: RE: Sweet tooth?

I appreciate you looking out for my health. It will be hard, but I know my health and immune system will thank me for it. Seriously, I can't argue with the fact that cookies are good, and the food you described actually sounds good, maybe even great. Although, for me, I'll have to leave out the deep-fried cookies. I made the mistake of eating one once at a carnival right before going on a rollercoaster. I'll leave out the details, but let's just say that people who get kind of nauseated easily have no business riding a rollercoaster. I haven't been able to look at deep-fried cookies OR rollercoasters the same way since. Sorry I had to tell you that. I know cookies are really important to you. I have to admit I kind of like to imagine you as a kid fantasizing about junk food. I also kind of like to imagine you now fantasizing about that stuff. I can't believe I just wrote that for you to see. I can't believe I'm hitting send after telling you that. -EFK.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone, trashmouth 2.0 aka me is back. I'm sorry for my inactivity, I've been so busy with assignments lately and recently I applied for an apprenticeship and had to fill out stuff for that so I've been so busy lately. Take two more new chapters as an apology. 
> 
> So quick rant but a few weeks ago my friend (she's on Instagram- her account is theasthmaticgermaphobe if you want to follow her, she has an Eddie fan account and I do most of her edits so yeah we're basically Reddie 2.0) was attacked because she does like a soft version of Eddie. She's not even harming or hurting anyone. She deleted all her posts and almost deleted her account because of it so yeah. 
> 
> Instead of being upset about people writing soft Eddie and edgelord Richie who climbs in through Eddie's window at 2am (let's face it, after Eddie started rebelling against his mother she definitely started trying to lock him in his room so Richie climbed in through his window, PERIOD change my mind), we should be concerned as to why Mike always seems to be literally the driver for the Losers because he has a truck and drives them around and hardly ever interacts with them and Ben is hardly ever mentioned or doesn't interact with them unless it's with Beverly and they are always just the stereotypical straight couple. MY BOYS BEN AND MIKE ARE SO UNDERRATED AND DESERVE BETTER, PERIOD. But I'm probably just salty because I have the book and I'm mad because during the book version of the rock war, Bill takes credit for everything that every other Loser does, but especially Mike. And I just recently watched It Chapter Two again and saw that when the very sad part happened (y'all know what it is) Ben stood there and did nothing so I'm mad about that too.
> 
> Anyways, I know I'm very annoying so I'll shut my trashmouth now. Enjoy the new chapters!


	9. It's Birthday Time, Losers!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our favourite Trashmouth's birthday chapter! Time to party!

He likes to imagine me fantasizing about teenage stuff. That's something I probably shouldn't have read right before bed. I lie here in the darkness, reading that particular sentence on my phone constantly. I'm jittery and wide awake and my stomach's in knots, all just from a freaking email. I've NEVER felt like this before. So, that's kind of strange. It's confusing. A good kind of confusing. He's normally so careful about what he writes. He likes to imagine me fantasizing about teenage stuff! I thought I was the only one who had those kinds of thoughts about us. I wonder what it would be like to meet him in person, after all this time. Would we even have to speak to each other? Would we go straight into making out? I think I can kind of picture it. He's here with me in my room, and we're alone. He sits beside me on the bed and turns to look right at me with his eyes. Connor Bower's eyes. And then his hands cup my face, and then he's kissing me. I picture it. He kisses me, and it's nothing like my previous relationships. It's not even in the same universe. There's this feeling radiating through my whole body and my brain is all fuzzy and like static and I think I can hear my own heartbeat. I have to be really quiet. My parents are on the other side of the bedroom wall. It's almost completely unbearable. God. Wow. My whole body turns to freaking jelly.

On the next school day, Beverly intercepts me as I walk into school. "Hey," she says. "Can I steal you to talk for a minute?" "What's up?" I ask. Beverly avoids looking at me. "I made you a mixtape," she says, handing me a mixtape for my old Walkman. "You can listen to it when you get home. Or whatever." I turn the mixtape over in my hands. "Bev. Thank you." "Yeah, sure." She leans back, looking over at me. "Are we cool?" I ask her. "I mean about-" "About you and the others ditching me." "I'm so sorry, Beverly." She smiles slightly. "You're so fucking lucky that it's your birthday Richard." And then she pulls a party hat out of her small backpack and makes me wear it, "sorry if I totally overacted," she adds. 

There's a massive birthday cake at lunch, and when I get to the table, everyone is wearing a ridiculous party hat. That's kind of our stupid little tradition. No one gets any cake without the stupid hat. Mike definitely seems like he's trying to get two pieces of cake actually. Someone put two party hats on him and he has them strapped onto his head. "Rich," Bill says, except he actually says it in a softer tone than he normally does. "Close your eyes and holds your hands out." I close my eyes but I go to make a joke about what he said but then he drops something into my hands. I open my eyes, and it's a piece of paper folded into a paper bow tie and it's coloured in with a gold crayon. A few people from other tables look over at us, and I feel myself smiling and blushing. "Should I wear it?" "Yeah," he says. "You have to. Golden bow tie for your birthday." "Why though?" "Because it's your seventeenth birthday, dumbass," Bill says. Then he extends his hand. "Ben, can I have the tape?" Ben has been holding about three pieces of tape on the ends of his fingertips for who knows how long. Honestly. He's like he's his puppy or something. Bill tapes on the 'bow tie' and messes up my hair, which is something he does often because apparently it's cute when I get angry about it. Whatever the heck that means. 

"So, whenever you're ready," Beverly says. She's holding a plastic knife and a large stack of paper plates, and she (weirdly) seems to be avoiding looking at Ben or Bill. "So fricking ready." Beverly cuts the cake up into actually perfect little squares, and seriously, it's like the atmosphere changed. Guess which table suddenly (somehow) became the most popular in school today. "No party hat, no party cake." That's practically the law for birthdays at our table. A couple of people tape pieces of paper into cone hats, and someone manages to put a brown paper lunch bag onto their head. People are so fucking shameless when it comes to cake. It's a beautiful thing to see. The cake is so perfect that I instantly, without a doubt, know that Beverly picked it out herself. It's half chocolate, half vanilla because we all argued over which flavour is better, and not that much icing. Beverly knows I hate cake with loads of icing. She's amazing at birthdays and obviously in general too. 

I bring the leftovers to class, and our teacher lets us have a cake picnic at our desks. "I think I just gained five pounds, maybe even more," someone says. "Aww," says Greta, "I'm lucky I have a super fast metabolism." Seriously, that's Greta. I mean, what's her problem with being nice for once? By the time Stanley Uris joins us, the cake's already gone and he's clearly very annoyed by that. I don't even mind writing in class today. I stay at my desk and dangle my legs under the desk. Sometimes I forget how nice it is to just sit back and chill out. Stanley is sat at his desk, talking to Bill and using lots of gestures. He's shaking his head and laughing. So maybe Stanley hasn't given up after all. And suddenly Connor Bowers is standing in front of my desk. "Hey," he says. "Happy birthday." This IS a happy birthday. He slides into the desk beside me, a few feet away. "Doing anything to celebrate?" Oh. Okay. I don't want to lie to him. But I don't exactly want him to know that my birthday plans consist of hanging out with my parents and reading birthday messages, mostly from people I don't even know. It's a school day right? You don't ever do anything cool on a school day. "Yeah, I guess so," I say finally. "I think we're having ice cream cake. Cookie flavoured," I add. I just had to put the cookies thing out there. "That's cool," he says. "Hope you saved room for it." No obvious reaction to the cookies. But I guess that doesn't exactly mean anything. "Okay, well," Connor says. He stands up. "Have fun." But then he puts his hand on my shoulder for the shortest second ever. I almost don't believe it actually happened. I mean, I'm serious. Birthdays are so fucking amazing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not going to rant on like I did last time but I found a Tumblr post with all the Loser's birthdays from youngest to oldest so I'm going to put them here, including their zodiacs for those of you who are into zodiacs or find them interesting (like me don't judge, I'm a Capricorn by the way :) ). I used this order and birthdays for this so that's why I'm including them here.
> 
> Bill- January 4th (oldest).  
> Beverly- February 13th.  
> Richie- March 7th.  
> Ben- June 2nd.  
> Mike- July 3rd.  
> Stan- July 13th.  
> Eddie- September 3rd (youngest).   
> These might not be accurate but I used this for my work, do any of you share a birthday with these? My birthday is the same as Bill's. The oldest Losers in this are 17 and the youngest are 16. In terms of zodiacs btw Bill is a Capricorn, Beverly is an Aquarius, Richie is a Pisces, Ben is a Gemini, Mike is a Cancer, Stan is also a Cancer and Eddie is a Virgo. 
> 
> Anyway, I'll shut up now, enjoy the special birthday chapter! Also warning, the first part of this is kind of suggestive.


End file.
